Jersey Shore Recap: Cat Fights! Reloaded!

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"I don't even know. Who knows, dog. That's the first time. That's the first time that has happened. But I'm a trooper! I'm The Situation, man!" - The Situation
What was Mike referring to in one of our favorite Jersey Shore quotes from last night? Hooking up with a chick at the club that was probably a dude, of course.
These things happen down at the shore. What else happened on Thursday's episode? Let's find out in THG's exclusive point-system recap of "Not So Shore" ...

The Situation works his game. With a man.

After hooking up with Vinny, Snooki says it was like "putting a watermelon in a pinhole." Umm. Minus 12 for the imagery of a watermelon and Snooki's pinhole.
Vinny likely contracts pink eye (again). Pauly D's diagnosis: "Your eyebrows are so bushy, they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyes would." Plus 9.
Speaking of Pauly D, dude got so freaking hammered he had to be helped into bed. Who does this guy think he is, Ronnie? Wash, because we still love Pauly.
Vinny is DTS (down to snuggle). That's also STD backwards. Minus 3.
Mike’s sister Melissa decides to visit Miami. Vinny’s pretty confident that they’re going to hook up again. Hopefully She-Situation gets tested afterward. Plus 5.
Angelina Pivarnick, pot-stirrer extraordinaire, is in rare form this week. We're half surprised she didn't end up backhanded and crying, but Plus 2 for the accent.
In addition to his tranny antics, The Sitch brings home a girl, makes himself something to eat first, then calls her a cab after. Not misogynistic at all. Minus 21.

Snooki and Vinny get it on again. Emilio Masella seethes.

Vinny, to JWoww, on his bling: "It's like your t!ts. Looks sick, but fake." Plus 4.
Snooki asks her ex how to spell “tomato.” At the grocery store, she reveals that she also doesn’t know what a quart is. Plus 1, though, for even going to the effort.
Now for the main event. Sammi is pissed at Ronnie, the worst boyfriend ever, but she's more pissed at the friends who told her the truth. Makes sense. Minus 8.
On the phone with her boyfriend, JWoww mentions Pauly being wasted. Angelina thinks Jenni’s talking smack; Vinny thinks Angelina is crazy. OMG it's on. Plus 5.

Sam loses it. She is DONE.

It's not even clear who started what at this juncture, but screaming about the note begins. JWoww gets in Sammi's face. Sammi gets in JWoww's face. JWoww clamps her hands over Sammi's ears and pushes her head away. Plus 18.
SIDE NOTE: Minus 10 for every time Sam's said "I'm done!" this year.
Sammi gets in a good smack, but JWoww, like an old pro grabs her hair and takes her ass down. Angelina, Ron and Snooki try to break it up, but JWoww pushes Sam's head down again. More blows are exchanged. Fade to black. Plus 22.